Many of us were taught prayers and devotions as a child. Sometimes these prayers became a deep and meaningful part of our spirituality. For some they still have meaning today. They bring great comfort. They allow us to connect with the spiritual forces of the universe and bolster our faith.

But what if these prayers are no more than a habit that we cling to?

At times our invocations are mindless repetitions that eventually dull our senses. They leave us feeling unsatisfied and craving more. When that happens we need to carve out a deeper spiritual path to find the meaning and connection that our soul is searching for.

I was raised Catholic. As a child I was devout. I sought a spiritual life. It was a necessary part of my existence. The rituals of the church satisfied an inner craving for a connection with the Divine. Perhaps past life memories of a spiritual life are what drew me. It was the only spirituality available to me back then. I believed everything the nuns and priests told me … until I didn’t. As I matured and developed the capacity to reason I started to question. My questions were rebuked. Chinks started to develop in my belief system. I needed answers to questions, - meaningful, purposeful answers that I did not receive.

I am not the kind of person who is satisfied with “because I said so” kinds of answers. I am like the whales I use to represent my mediumship and healing practice. For years I have watched the Humpback whales of the North Atlantic plunge deep down to the ocean floor only to rise up and fly to the sky when they breech. I know the value of going deep within to find meaningful answers and a spirituality that can sustain me during difficult times.

When I feel disconnected from life and the world around me, I know I have to go within to find where my spiritual umbilical cord, - my lifeline to the Great Mystery, - has been damaged. In order to do this I need time apart from the world. I need time to honor whatever it is that is going on in my life.

Sometimes the world no longer makes sense. Maybe something has happened that has caught me off guard and taken my breath away. Sometimes it seems that life is flying by far too quickly and I cannot keep up. Other times I am simply off balance. I feel as though I am walking on a four inch balance beam with clown shoes on!

For years spiritual teachers have been reminding me to “Ask for Help.” It sounds pretty simple, but those three little words can be so hard to do. If I ask for help it means I have to admit that I don’t have all the answers. If I ask for help it means that you might reject me or abandon me. You might think I am foolish and make fun of me. If I ask for help I make myself vulnerable, and like you, I want to feel safe, very safe before I make myself vulnerable and ask for help.

Prayer is a request for spiritual aid. When we talk to the Creator and we ask for help we are humbling ourselves before the universe. We are acknowledging that we are not greater than life itself. When we pray from the heart we may feel exposed. Going off script and talking to the Creator from a place deep inside can be scary, - especially if we are not used to doing it. We may worry whether or not our prayers are good enough.

I have learned that my heart is good enough. When I speak to the Creator with an open heart I am being real. I am stripping away my defenses and feeling the full weight of my humanity. When I pray with sincerity and recognize my limitations, I am clearing away my self-centeredness and arrogance. I am making room for hope.

When I am concerned about others who affect my life I pray for them. A friend or a loved one may be in financial trouble, dealing with an addiction or seriously ill. In those cases I simply pray for their highest good. Over the years I have learned that my wish for their life may not be their desire. I do not know what they need and I leave my request in the hands of the spiritual forces that are with us all.

When I am troubled about my relationship with someone, or I’m wounded and feel angry with them, I ask the Creator to give that person what I want for myself. I don’t just rattle off a quick sentiment like: “I hope they’re happy,” and leave it at that. The resentment still rankles at the back of my throat.

Instead I put some thought into my prayer for the person. After all, I am the one who is hurt and unhappy about the situation. It is worth my time and energy to write out a thoughtful prayer. It might go something like this:

“I pray for ____ that s/he has good health and happiness. I pray for ____’s highest good. I pray that ____ may align her/himself with your will Tunkasila (Lakota for grandfather) and not her/his own. I pray that ____ may have the courage and the dignity s/he needs to live a good life. I pray that ____ has serenity and peace of mind. I pray that ____ has the resources s/he needs to enjoy life. I pray that ____ may be surrounded by the light, guided by the light, and that s/he may seek the light. I pray that our relationship move forward bathed in Divine light.”

I say the prayer every day until the pain of whatever has happened between us goes away. Like magic it usually dissipates in a few days, or a week. Deep wounds may take longer, but they too heal.

Anger, fear and uncertainty all respond to prayer. And because I believe my inner life reflects my outer circumstances, even in these seemingly uncertain times, I know I am the only one who can take responsibility for my inner life. I hope my thoughts on prayer will inspire and encourage you to develop a rich inner life free from bitterness and despair.