I have been thinking a lot about kindness and what it means to be kind. Recently I’ve had several experiences where others have been kind to me. It has stopped me in my tracks and caused me to reflect on what just happened. They were simple, yet meaningful kindnesses: offers to help, courtesy on the road and in the grocery store, compliments and expressions of gratitude, as well as people going out of their way to assist me. In every instance these gestures gave me joy. They brought a smile to my face. In each case I slowed down a little and took in what just happened.

I have been the recipient of rude and inconsiderate behavior, but I try to look for kindness now. I remember the adage: What you focus on expands. I want to turn my attention to kindness and being helpful to others. I want to weed out the seeds of negativity and critical tendencies that are all too easy to nourish and grow.

When I first started writing this blog I recounted, in detail, inconsiderate actions I observed while traveling recently. A friend who gives me constructive criticism on my writings pointed out that I was being judgmental and unkind to the person whose conduct I found mean spirited. I’d felt justified in my indignation until she pointed out my hypocrisy! I had to laugh at what I had done. It was all too easy to slip into self-righteousness even while writing about kindness!

This incident led me to think about the meaning of kindness and my own behavior. I started to think about all the interactions I have with others and how I choose to conduct myself. I realized that kindness is an attitude. It is something that I want to make a daily effort to cultivate. If I don’t make kindness a priority, I will not act kindly in the assortment of spontaneous moments life puts in my path.

I went to my old friend the dictionary and looked up synonyms for kindness. I came up with quite a few: friendly, generous, warmhearted, good, helpful, charitable, understanding, humane, considerate, courteous and agreeable were a few. I liked every single one of these adjectives. This is who I want to become from the inside out.

I realized that kindness is a reflection of my spiritual condition. It seems to me that genuine kindness comes from being at peace within myself. That inner peace allows me to harmonize with my environment and all those I encounter in a day’s time. Meditation, prayer and musing on my inner life help to create an atmosphere that allows me to express my humanity and be of service to others.

I can train myself to be kind. I can focus on it, practice it, and even make it a goal. But it’s that unprompted, natural kindness that emanates from who I am, and not just from what I set my mind to do. The wonderful thing about kindness is how genuine it is.

Through kindness we can reveal our hearts. A frozen heart makes it difficult to be kind. In order to be kind we must soften our heart. Our hearts must be open so we can empathize with the suffering and needs of others. There is a big difference between having compassion, which leads to kindness, verses co-dependence which stems from fear.

We don’t need to help others based on fear, but rather from love. Fear tells us that we will be left behind, we will not be chosen for their team, or we will not be liked. To be kind moves beyond resistance and self-centered fear. Kindness is about being real and letting our defenses down. When we open our hearts we become aware of others. When we are shut down we are not aware of the needs of others. We are only trying to manage our own lives and quell our own fears.

Compassion leads to kindness. Without kindness our world would not be able to run as smoothly as it does. With more kindness it would run more harmoniously. When one person is kind to another it nourishes everyone involved.

Kindness is what we remember most about life. When we look back over the years we can see the kindnesses that others extended to us. We can see the difference it made in our lives. Wisdom is good but kindness is better. Strength is good but kindness is better. Kindness is not weakness, kindness is built on strength, kindness is built on wisdom, and kindness embraces all the wonderful parts of our world. It brings our humanity together in simple acts that can change our lives, and the life of another forever.

I invite you to join me in making kindness a priority in your life.